Starting today, everything will be different. The fact that I am writing this instead of finishing my exams makes it a lot more different than the previous months. You know that I blog per pressure, but this time, I feel so numb that I can write without tears pouring down from my very eyes.
For over a year, I’ve had countless arguments – mostly small and few of them were pretty small that you’ll soon realize that they are not worth talking about. I admit to being an argumentative person, especially when I already knew the truth, and yet, things like that are kept hidden to me. Yes, I am argumentative but I do not like arguments as much as I love discussing issues over and over.
Up to now, one thing is banging my head and I am not certain on how to address this, that is why I keep on typing words here. If I go straight to the point, what is the point of blogging? But tonight, my mind was cleared. Letting go is not the answer; walking away is my response.
We have been together for so long and I wouldn’t write here how long that was. Consequently, all conflicts were solved, efficiently. It has been a part of ours to have these so-called “quarrels” for they made us even a stronger couple. But one day came that I had remained silent…so silent than the dusky, summer night.
Maybe this is the best option for the both of us; maybe this is the right time to walk away; maybe letting go is the answer to this dilemma; maybe this has been haunting us from the beginning and we need to finish it; maybe forgetting can be the start of another beginning.
The unspoken thoughts and fuzzy feelings are unfolding. The rain is pouring over the roof of uncertainties. Oh, rain, can you take me away? Make my soul pour over like a raindrop to his head, and from his head down to the sole of his feet. I want to feel him, again, even for the last time. And soon as I leave his glorious body and found the cold, wet ground, make me flow until I no longer can for I already precipitated. One day that I, again, reached the clouds, do not let me fall. Please give me that enormous feeling that I will get to see his face from up above. The connection between the sky and his sight will be no less than amazing and I couldn’t be more thankful than that.
The thought of parting ways has a different vision to me like that of a raindrop. He might have tried to let go of me, as the raindrop flowed quickly down his feet, I will still go back to him in another form. Up in the sky, I am watching him. And I will be glad one day that I will be with him, again, without him noticing that it was me, the old raindrop – the same girl he used to love before.
Many droplets will come to him for years, I know. As long rain exists, so do I. And even if the sun has set, I will always wish for a rain. Now that it is raining, wherever he is, I hope he is out there, waiting for a single drop of rain to pour down from his head. You have no idea how much I miss this man, that I am going to take risks just to be with him, again, and forever. If my life was life was all I had, how could not I offer it for him?
If he is reading this now, hand him a white cloth. I do not want him crying over this letter or so. Please wipe his tears, if he ever cried. For a moment, comfort him. Tell him I’ll be there at any minute he wishes me to. For I am just up above, watching him and waiting for another rain to come so I can be with him again for more than…ETERNITY.