Diary 101

Conversation deleted. 

It would be a violation of our privacy to blog this, but I cannot think anything better than release it here and pray to GOD. The clock is ticking; I switched off my air-cooling system. Just to get a grip on my laptop and write everything, I am standing this suffocation inside my room.

12:09AM – I opened my Facebook account and finally decided to change a portion of it, back from what it has been before. Tomorrow, I think, it would break the whole world. (No, I am not a Hollywood star or something that they stalk me and my profile 24/7) What I meant was, many would blabber about that.

12:15AM – I finished typing the paragraph above this one, and, yet, I haven’t gone to what I am supposed to say. Okay, here we go….

Never did someone called me into names that hurt me. Never did someone caused so much pain inflicting words to me. Yes, I admit to being tactless at times. As a human, let me recount my verdict…whenever I hear names or events that I don’t like, I tend to be talkative until the person whom I talk to become annoyed, or worst, become mad at me like there’s a halo of fire above his head. That is why, in return, I was caught off guard with a bullet hitting me bull’s eye. Wow! That is just magnificent.

I dubbed myself as the “SARCASM QUEEN” and someone hated me for that. Who’d have loved somebody who speaks of irony that  you’d not believe his sincerity in the end? Nobody.

Pardon me.

Who’d have dealt with someone who is argumentative? Never would anyone waste time on a person who likes talking about ‘nonsense things.’

Who’d have dealt with someone who is moody? Never would anyone lose his crafts and play nuts with someone. Who is he, by the way? I am not him.

Who’d have dealt with someone who is childlike? Being childlike is different from being childish. These two things have different meanings –  the latter is thinking and acting like a child, while the first one is just mimicking what a child does. Never would anyone push his luck on acting like a babysitter to someone who acts like a child.

Who’d have dealt with someone who thinks that walking away is the best answer to heal all the wounds? If love is true, then, it must be endless; it can stand the test of time.

12:28AM – I am still typing, while the LED lighting of my smartphone is blinking amber. Wait, do I need to recharge it? Not, yet. Keep on typing, Sam. My dear readers, please let me. This is the only way where I can find myself. I need to find myself, I am lost. If only I can talk to anyone who can make me feel better, I will. But I exceeded my unlimited call’s normal terms of usage, and this is my last option.

Whenever I hear such things, I tend to be silent until the words sink in to me. Holding a grudge isn’t right, that is what my father always tell me. If you want to live a peaceful life, set things free. All right, so as of now, I already cleared my mind in preparation of the moving on process. You are an avid reader of my blogs if you remember this line from me, “If someone throws you a stone, throw back a bread, instead.” It really is painful and inappropriate to hear one-shot bullet of words from the lips of an angel. And knowing that the reason behind your being tactless are the same reasons of your old arguments.

They say, past is senseless. But for me, past is the connection between the present and the past present. If you say that past is not important, then, there could be no time at all or time is not passing by; the earth is not rotating on its axis and it is not revolving around the sun.

No one would say “I miss you” to someone they just bump into a street in their first meeting. No one would reminisce the old, good times. Am I making sense here? If there is no past connection between two persons, there is no ‘missing you’ at all. So, past matters. Long live, Marshall Matthers.

12:43AM – I turned on my air-conditioning system, in exchange of my electric fan.

As far as I can remember, this is the first time that I got busted on blogging per pressure, or, if not, maybe the third or fourth?

12:47AM – I am supposed to be blogging, directly. Go direct to the point, Sam!

Well, thank you. Thank you for interfering with me. I know I am not perfect. There are things that I can’t help but argue with you. You already know the reasons why. Then, again, if it’s for the best, let’s go for a change, or let me find myself and admit my faults. At this point in time, I already did and I prayed for us. You even seemed to misinterpret that, again. I am so sorry. Man, I cannot blame you, eh? If it is not because of my being childlike, moody, jealous, argumentative, we would’t fall of that issue between a world-class concert and a concert for all. Yes, we differ. MUSIC has a deeper meaning to me, or not to you? It comes from the heart and not for mere entertainment. Howdy? How ridiculous it is to lose our nerves for an excellent and renowned artist worldwide to a babe who is just getting there to the arena and make music for LOL? I hate it when I argue with you. Because when I do, I get a personal attack, in return. Whenever I critic the people you idolize, I just got a bad back. Sorry, please forgive me. I didn’t mean them. You know the reasons why.

That’s why I am loosening the belt. You have your time, go find your happiness, and fight for it! Even if it would cause you a dime, why not? Even if I would be the dime, why not? Spades, tsk tsk…

Remember that the only reason why we’ve been going through this over and over is because of our ineffective delinquent solutions. I messed up, you messed up so we cut the rope. Sobresaliente!

1:01AM – May you have a peaceful sleep, dear friend. Thanks for your consideration. I need a rest, too.

(Dear readers, I’ll get back to you soon, I promise. Thank you for dropping by. Salamat sa pagdamay!)

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)

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More than…ETERNITY.

Starting today, everything will be different. The fact that I am writing this instead of finishing my exams makes it a lot more different than the previous months. You know that I blog per pressure, but this time, I feel so numb that I can write without tears pouring down from my very eyes.

For over a year, I’ve had countless arguments – mostly small and few of them were pretty small that you’ll soon realize that they are not worth talking about. I admit to being an argumentative person, especially when I already knew the truth, and yet, things like that are kept hidden to me. Yes, I am argumentative but I do not like arguments as much as I love discussing issues over and over.

Up to now, one thing is banging my head and I am not certain on how to address this, that is why I keep on typing words here. If I go straight to the point, what is the point of blogging? But tonight, my mind was cleared. Letting go is not the answer; walking away is my response.

We have been together for so long and I wouldn’t write here how long that was. Consequently, all conflicts were solved, efficiently. It has been a part of ours to have these so-called “quarrels” for they made us even a stronger couple. But one day came that I had remained silent…so silent than the dusky, summer night.

Maybe this is the best option for the both of us; maybe this is the right time to walk away; maybe letting go is the answer to this dilemma; maybe this has been haunting us from the beginning and we need to finish it; maybe forgetting can be the start of another beginning.

The unspoken thoughts and fuzzy feelings are unfolding. The rain is pouring over the roof of uncertainties. Oh, rain, can you take me away? Make my soul pour over like a raindrop to his head, and from his head down to the sole of his feet. I want to feel him, again, even for the last time. And soon as I leave his glorious body and found the cold, wet ground, make me flow until I no longer can for I already precipitated. One day that I, again, reached the clouds, do not let me fall. Please give me that enormous feeling that I will get to see his face from up above. The connection between the sky and his sight will be no less than amazing and I couldn’t be more thankful than that.

The thought of parting ways has a different vision to me like that of a raindrop. He might have tried to let go of me, as the raindrop flowed quickly down his feet, I will still go back to him in another form. Up in the sky, I am watching him. And I will be glad one day that I will be with him, again, without him noticing that it was me, the old raindrop – the same girl he used to love before.

Many droplets will come to him for years, I know. As long rain exists, so do I. And even if the sun has set, I will always wish for a rain. Now that it is raining, wherever he is, I hope he is out there, waiting for a single drop of rain to pour down from his head. You have no idea how much I miss this man, that I am going to take risks just to be with him, again, and forever. If my life was life was all I had, how could not I offer it for him?

If he is reading this now, hand him a white cloth. I do not want him crying over this letter or so. Please wipe his tears, if he ever cried. For a moment, comfort him. Tell him I’ll be there at any minute he wishes me to. For I am just up above, watching him and waiting for another rain to come so I can be with him again for more than…ETERNITY.

sweetestcouple

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)

Whereabouts

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What was the one experience that completely changed your life? What happened? How did it change your life?

When do you start forgetting? Burying yourself in the past is what confuses you because you aren’t certain if it’s no use or not, or it’s just that acceptance takes a long time before you learn and move on.

Falling in love is an enigma. You never know when and to whom you will fall in love with. Just imagine a lightning when it strikes…there is no specific place that you know where will it land. Yet, you know there’s a lightning coming because of the thunderstorm. Like love, I don’t believe it’s the lovers who are blind. Neither nor, love is blind. In the first place, how are you going to say that love is a learning process if the senses are not present? Does learning only involve a mere affection without the perspiration?

Now I say, LOVERS are not blind and LOVE is not blind. You fall in love with a person because you truly love him, nothing more and nothing less. Well, if there’s something more, the affection increases because of the qualities he possess that you like the most. Whether they are accepted by the society or not, which give you the perception that you are blind for falling in love with it, it’s still your choice. And we all have our own choices in life!

Love is NOT VAGUE for it opens you to a new, bright world where you’ve never been to. It’s a paradise where happiness and sorrow both exist. We all hear of love’s sugary joys or bittersweet memories. The only difference between these romances is the way how two people deal with the conflicts that make them stronger and closer. Am I making sense here?

To make things clear, the parameters I set are for two people who love each other. They say love is a two-way street or it involves Mutualism. It may or may not be appropriate to use mutualism because of the idea of benefiting each other, it’s still apt for me to say that love is an interaction between two people, not three or four…and so on and so forth.

Above I mentioned about forgetting, and yes, it still confuses me how the past interferes with the present. What’s more painful than seeing the least people who has been a part of your significant other’s life? I mean, when you remember the conversations they had and the songs they used to sing, weren’t those an excruciating pain in the stomach?

What changes you is how you see things or people now. It’s a whole new world, really, because you tend to block these images in your life and if chances come that they appear to you, again, memories flash back like another storm casting its demolition to a crying hut. Does it happen to you, too? No matter how you try forgetting, there’s always this unbearable urge pulling you back to it and silently killing you?

I am not blaming myself for over-thinking things. If I stop fixing this, I would go back to the same issue over and over and I don’t want to regret in the end for not making an action. And the only way I know which will lessen the burden is by bringing it up again and again until all things are made clear to me and questions raised will be answered honestly and wisely.

Emotional security does a big part in this two-way street. You woke up in the morning and you thank God for the Good News – you are alive! The next thing you do is look at your cellphone and there’s a message which reads: “Good morning, beautiful! Wake up to a wonderful morning and have the nicest day! I love you.” It’s not just about the words, actually; it’s about the thought of sending the message and making the receiver smile early in the morning.

Let me ask you now. If love is an enigma, how do you deal with it? Like life, it is. But life has a beginning and an end, so is not love. For love is eternal. If forgetting is accepting, how do you it? Because accepting is devastating, like a storm, it destroys you and make you homeless. Are you ready to give up everything and be a beggar for the sake of forgetting?

Here is my plea. Please hear me.

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)

Be Afraid…Don’t.

“I tried to save all these tears the whole day but I think it’s time that I pour out the rain from a heavy cloud. This phenomena woke me up to my tiniest nerve, and suddenly, I didn’t care about everyone else. All I care about is YOU. We have surpassed too many trials and this one will never tear us down – we are like a single strand. Take my hand, darling. I will carry all your burdens with HIM.”

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)

Peach Butterfly

Originally written by: James Alcobilla

 I was frustrated, over the shadows,

Making the world glow fiercely white,

Has a funky taste thy, cornucopia.

I found a popish plot, a real friend to be exact.

 

You’re a pope, a Titus oats which is pious.

Grolier contrivance, a lyrical of brawn,

Connivance.

A cover of thee candid lawn.

 

A vivid, palpate though hit them so grand,

Give you butterfly kisses how wish, I was,

A whisper runaway. A bullet. A glad.

A good soul that holds my palm.

 

A fallen angel. Maybe,

A seeker of salvation, a warrior with snowflakes,

A postdate fun. A grin that you shown.

Ecclesiastical. Methodical. Plies.

 

You smile. I laugh. They smile.

(This is a gift from my dear friend, Mr. James Alcobilla – a Journalism student from our university. He promised to make a write-up for my birthday last August  25, 2012, because he didn’t make it to come on my special day. Extraordinarily awesome, I find his masterpieces above par. Today, I finally opened my Gmail account and saw this poem from him. Thanks, Jimmy!)

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)