Double Action

I don’t know why.

Yes, you read that, right. Am I also certain in saying that I left this blog for a year? That, I supposed, will get me into 97% accuracy. For purposes not known to some, I checked my blog every now and then but I couldn’t find the momentum to write until now. I only have less than 30mins to travel for Law school but here I am typing here…

I admit my faults before. “Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto to you.” This is one of the well-known mantra that every righteous individual must know. Because of the foreseeable nature of bullying, jealousy, and/or envy by some in college, I chose to stay farther from them. That made me remove a few in my friends’ list and give excuses for the benefit of their doubt. I reckoned that it’s best way not to meddle with unhealthy environment in college and just go on with the flow and study well, or study best.

Now I face the same dilemma with a different background. I have known this person for quite a while, albeit the absence of direct or personal meetings because I have known her through a common person whom we have this same connection. We became friends on Facebook, followed each other on Instagram and Twitter, until tables turned that we couldn’t apprehend the events-in-between us. She has known my side from the frequent posts that I made on different social networking sites, and for once we met, personally. Vice versa, I partly knew her and her stories. Different chats then and there, likes, comments…a day came that she removed me out of her life and pretended that shadows or footprints were unnoticeable. That was when I was “unfriended” or even blocked on Facebook and Instagram. You could prove it by the evidence of logging out your account, and fortunately checking hers if it’s shown, publicly. But I did it not for vain’s sake, but to prove my claim. I did it not to question her, but out of curiosity and nothing else. From the moment that I discovered the truth of my allegations, my eyes were teary. I did nothing more but pray and surrendered it to the LORD.

No one has the right to question a person because of his choice. That person is entitled to his freedom to choose whom he socialize with. And what happens between me and her or between me and some people during my college days best explains the abovementioned statement. You have no right to question that but to accept it and just shake the dust off. Honestly writing, I have no ill-feelings towards her for what she did, but it just makes me think thrice of my conduct towards her or her family. Maybe if I did something wrong, then, I should stop my preset now and end everything. If this would be the best way to end conflicts, then, why not? I am always open for negotiation, it’s only that no approach was made, as of now. The best thing to do? Well, just let it be. And pray.

I wrote this blog because I know that an accident will always have to pass that she can read this, just as how she and I also met:

To _____________,

If you are reading this, I want to say sorry for all the bad things I caused you in one way or another.  I want you to know that I don’t have anything against you and I still love you no matter what. ‘Reminding the personalized cup you promised me before when you come home here. Thank you and I will always admire you for the great artist that you are! xoxoxo

From: Sam

That is all, readers. We all have these lessons that only lifetime can teach us when to resolve. Remember that every person has the best friends in the world, and the greatest of them is Jesus! More entries to come. Bear with me. Thank you! (P.S. I am so late for Law school, oh, no! It’s okay for my peace of mind, though.)

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)

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NOT FOR SALE!

“The things you hear about me are hand-me-down information. They deteriorate by the spell of time or by who delivers them. But if you want brand new ones, you can speak straight to me. Maybe you would even offer to buy them. Sorry, they are NOT FOR SALE.”

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)

Diary 101

Conversation deleted. 

It would be a violation of our privacy to blog this, but I cannot think anything better than release it here and pray to GOD. The clock is ticking; I switched off my air-cooling system. Just to get a grip on my laptop and write everything, I am standing this suffocation inside my room.

12:09AM – I opened my Facebook account and finally decided to change a portion of it, back from what it has been before. Tomorrow, I think, it would break the whole world. (No, I am not a Hollywood star or something that they stalk me and my profile 24/7) What I meant was, many would blabber about that.

12:15AM – I finished typing the paragraph above this one, and, yet, I haven’t gone to what I am supposed to say. Okay, here we go….

Never did someone called me into names that hurt me. Never did someone caused so much pain inflicting words to me. Yes, I admit to being tactless at times. As a human, let me recount my verdict…whenever I hear names or events that I don’t like, I tend to be talkative until the person whom I talk to become annoyed, or worst, become mad at me like there’s a halo of fire above his head. That is why, in return, I was caught off guard with a bullet hitting me bull’s eye. Wow! That is just magnificent.

I dubbed myself as the “SARCASM QUEEN” and someone hated me for that. Who’d have loved somebody who speaks of irony that  you’d not believe his sincerity in the end? Nobody.

Pardon me.

Who’d have dealt with someone who is argumentative? Never would anyone waste time on a person who likes talking about ‘nonsense things.’

Who’d have dealt with someone who is moody? Never would anyone lose his crafts and play nuts with someone. Who is he, by the way? I am not him.

Who’d have dealt with someone who is childlike? Being childlike is different from being childish. These two things have different meanings –  the latter is thinking and acting like a child, while the first one is just mimicking what a child does. Never would anyone push his luck on acting like a babysitter to someone who acts like a child.

Who’d have dealt with someone who thinks that walking away is the best answer to heal all the wounds? If love is true, then, it must be endless; it can stand the test of time.

12:28AM – I am still typing, while the LED lighting of my smartphone is blinking amber. Wait, do I need to recharge it? Not, yet. Keep on typing, Sam. My dear readers, please let me. This is the only way where I can find myself. I need to find myself, I am lost. If only I can talk to anyone who can make me feel better, I will. But I exceeded my unlimited call’s normal terms of usage, and this is my last option.

Whenever I hear such things, I tend to be silent until the words sink in to me. Holding a grudge isn’t right, that is what my father always tell me. If you want to live a peaceful life, set things free. All right, so as of now, I already cleared my mind in preparation of the moving on process. You are an avid reader of my blogs if you remember this line from me, “If someone throws you a stone, throw back a bread, instead.” It really is painful and inappropriate to hear one-shot bullet of words from the lips of an angel. And knowing that the reason behind your being tactless are the same reasons of your old arguments.

They say, past is senseless. But for me, past is the connection between the present and the past present. If you say that past is not important, then, there could be no time at all or time is not passing by; the earth is not rotating on its axis and it is not revolving around the sun.

No one would say “I miss you” to someone they just bump into a street in their first meeting. No one would reminisce the old, good times. Am I making sense here? If there is no past connection between two persons, there is no ‘missing you’ at all. So, past matters. Long live, Marshall Matthers.

12:43AM – I turned on my air-conditioning system, in exchange of my electric fan.

As far as I can remember, this is the first time that I got busted on blogging per pressure, or, if not, maybe the third or fourth?

12:47AM – I am supposed to be blogging, directly. Go direct to the point, Sam!

Well, thank you. Thank you for interfering with me. I know I am not perfect. There are things that I can’t help but argue with you. You already know the reasons why. Then, again, if it’s for the best, let’s go for a change, or let me find myself and admit my faults. At this point in time, I already did and I prayed for us. You even seemed to misinterpret that, again. I am so sorry. Man, I cannot blame you, eh? If it is not because of my being childlike, moody, jealous, argumentative, we would’t fall of that issue between a world-class concert and a concert for all. Yes, we differ. MUSIC has a deeper meaning to me, or not to you? It comes from the heart and not for mere entertainment. Howdy? How ridiculous it is to lose our nerves for an excellent and renowned artist worldwide to a babe who is just getting there to the arena and make music for LOL? I hate it when I argue with you. Because when I do, I get a personal attack, in return. Whenever I critic the people you idolize, I just got a bad back. Sorry, please forgive me. I didn’t mean them. You know the reasons why.

That’s why I am loosening the belt. You have your time, go find your happiness, and fight for it! Even if it would cause you a dime, why not? Even if I would be the dime, why not? Spades, tsk tsk…

Remember that the only reason why we’ve been going through this over and over is because of our ineffective delinquent solutions. I messed up, you messed up so we cut the rope. Sobresaliente!

1:01AM – May you have a peaceful sleep, dear friend. Thanks for your consideration. I need a rest, too.

(Dear readers, I’ll get back to you soon, I promise. Thank you for dropping by. Salamat sa pagdamay!)

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)

Be Afraid…Don’t.

“I tried to save all these tears the whole day but I think it’s time that I pour out the rain from a heavy cloud. This phenomena woke me up to my tiniest nerve, and suddenly, I didn’t care about everyone else. All I care about is YOU. We have surpassed too many trials and this one will never tear us down – we are like a single strand. Take my hand, darling. I will carry all your burdens with HIM.”

by: Samantha C. De Guzman

(NO PLAGIARISM)