Madhouse (Untitled) Torn. &^@#.*7655

I asked my male cousin, “How do you mend a broken heart?” Geez! He didn’t seem to be surprised at all. Needless to say, I know the answer, yes. But I am confused.

For two days, I have been trying to compose myself…to clear my mind and to conjure up my thoughts. There were a lot of topics to blog. In fact, I prepared more than 3 outlines and photographs were all ready. Every night, I do check my notifications here on WordPress. Blessed as it is, I am lucky. Thank you for the continuous likes, guys!

But those nights, too, my mind was soaked. Different ideas and doubts were ironically flying through my head. I had a lot to compromise and I was so excited to share happenings in my life, but I couldn’t find the courage to do them, quickly.

This quote I wrote before, “A writer does not write everyday, neither nor he writes every other day; a writer writes on a day beyond his control.” is living my principle. How can I write while my mind has been tied up in knots? Maybe I can, if I try too hard, but eventually, I will be killing myself for that. I need rest, so does sleep. For that, excuse me, Ma’am, for being absent in WordPress class.

“That’s a pretty tough question, cousin. You just have to give yourself a break. I know it’s hard because you lose your attention to what you are doing. And worst, people around you don’t notice it because you are a good clown. Alfred, an experienced lover boy, said it, quickly.

Bingo! He is surely my cousin. “Exactly, cousin. This is hard, though. I can’t focus. Spending my leisure time thinking about it hurts me more.”

As a writer, experience is your friend. Without it, you can’t make your work appealing. Fiction writers, too, got a big house of experience, plus their wide imagination. My point here is, when you write, you write by heart because your mind will follow, accordingly. When you are out of words, do not call Mr. Webster, immediately. Pause. Meditate. Ask for His guidance and the Holy Spirit will usher through your thoughts, like a dawn’s flower blooming in mild dew.

Less often than not, when I get too depressed, I simply write my heart out. This way, I am expressing the feelings I hid a few minutes ago. The other way, I am still attuned to my endless sob while I am writing.

“Distract yourself. Do the things that make you happy,” Alfred suggested in a cool tone.

I remembered what I did the whole day: In the morning, I woke up with the sun smiling at me. The look in my eye is cheerless. “…Lord, thank you for this day. Guide and bless me and my family forever.” After casting a prayer, I didn’t get out my bed, yet. Instead, I think about the whole thing, again and again…

Lunch wasn’t that hard for me. For a few hours, my attempt to go out of the melancholy, succeeded. I hope that lasts until tomorrow…or until more days passed.

Oh, sorry. I have to end the post here…right here. Evening’s fine, though. Goodnight!

Here’s to what my Horoscope said:

“Saturday, May 26, 2012 – Perhaps a practical idea starts as a flash in a dream or even as a persistent daydream. Maybe something catches in the diaphanous web of your imagination, making you feel as if you are recovering a lost treasure from unknown realms. Normally, you are very logical, yet now it’s wise to set aside your need for rationality. Keep open to any messages that come from your subconscious, even if they aren’t understandable right away.” – Twittascope

by: Samantha C. De Guzman



Down the Capitol

May 15, 2012 (Tuesday) was a drizzly day. With my sister, Shiella, and my cousin, Fedilyn, we defined what a rainy day means…

And you might be asking, “Where is the rain?” Find out in the story below!

My sister is so hesitant to take me a photo of hers while she is paying me something in return. (That’s why you can’t see me in any photo here. I was the one who took them all.)
One of the best things about Pangasinan Provincial Capitol is that their lighters are magnificent!
What do you think so?
Streets of the Capitol are oh, so awesome, too!
“In Capitol, streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you…” He-he-he
A peak of the Capitol Building.
My cousin, Fedilyn on the left and my sister, Shiella, on the right. Ha-Ha. They don’t even know I am taking photos of them.
Oh, wait! Don’t leave me, yet, you two! Let me take a shot of this concrete building.
Here’s a view of the ravishing Capitol!
Wonderful, isn’t it?

The day has been listless to me and I don’t have plans going out with this kind of weather that keeps me sluggish. At 2PM, I called Fedilyn to pick me up in our house so we can do check each other afresh news.

I hit the play button on Youtube: “BRUNO MARS FUNNY MOMENTS PART 1”

“Couz, what about Bruno Mars, again? I swear to you, hindi ko na siya aagawin. Iyong-iyo na siya, eh. Kahit pa naman he’s dang irresistible and so humorous!.”

“Well, just make sure, cousin. But you know, we can always share. Ha-Ha.” The mock in my face is so distracting that even I, myself, don’t understand what I am saying. (Bruno is mine forever!)

“No, couz. Okay na ako kahit kay Philip Lawrence ko na lang.” Philip is Bruno’s buddy, who is, also his production mate and his band member.

A few hours after our spick-and-span conversation, I felt the sudden urge to sleep. Sleepless nights haunt me, that I couldn’t even think of sleeping the proper way. A small noise would easily yank me out of my bed while my head is pounding in pain…

I am thinking of forgetting about sleeping. Gets? Ha-Ha. So I want to freshen up…

“I want to go out and unwind. Can you go with me, dear cousin?”

“Anytime, couz! Ikaw pa. Malakas ka sa akin!”

“Okay, come on! Let’s hit the Capitol, then. Ang tagal ko nang hindi nakapunta doon. Let us eat, too!”

Fedilyn flicked, one brow raised. “Yeah, but how about this? I don’t have much cash now.”

“You need enough, not much, cousin. Basta, ako ang bahala sa’yo.” Then, I winked at her.


Twilight is casting its spell and rain is starting to pour. It’s about 6:30 in the evening and I am having second thoughts whether or not we would still continue the not-so-planned-getaway. Mom and dad will be home in a few minutes and I don’t think they would allow us to go in a dusky and rainy evening.

Fedilyn texted me. “Couz, are we still going out? Get ready.”

I pout in my seat. “I guess so, cousin. I am almost done. Don’t forget to bring umbrellas.”

Knock! Knock!

“Samantha? Please open the door, honey.” mom called out.

“Yes, Ma. Andiyan na akooooooo…”

Her stuffs are partly wet and I could feel the coldness when I saw her soaked shoes shining, too.

“Ma, lalabas pala kami ni Fedilyn ngayon.”

“Anak, gabi na pero. At umuulan pa. Ipagpabukas niyo na lang ‘yan, anak.”

Oh, no. Not now, Ma. I am all dressed up and ready.

“Please, Ma? I just need to unwind.”

Without much ado, mom agreed. “Sige, basta mag-iingat kayo. Itext mo lang ako. Your dad and I will be going to our vigil, too.”

“No problem, Ma! Baka magabihan na rin kami.” Obviously, it’s evening, already, isn’t it?

A minute after, I am combing my hair and my sister seems to be morbid. She is lying in bed without speaking a word when I asked her if she wants to go with us.

“You don’t really want to go with us, do you? Sige na, para hindi masayang ‘yang bihis mo.” She is supposed to be somewhere else, too, but chances don’t permit her.

After a few tries, she answered with a little spark in her eyes. “Saan ba ang punta niyo, ate?”


Uh-huh. Thank you for eavesdropping to our conversations. The photos were taken at Pangasinan Provincial Capitol grounds. I love photos with a million stories to tell!

P.S. Sorry for the low resolution. I used my phone for taking those. Actually, Shiella and Fedilyn were a bit despised because I am always on the go to take photos. I was like, “Hey, without my enthusiasm, there ain’t photos like these that would make you happy.” LOL

Thanks for dropping by!

by: Samantha C. De Guzman