Let’s be honest. I didn’t have the intent to blog these days. Today was an exception and I didn’t even think twice of doing it. So, please consider this as my medium of voicing out my inner thoughts and feelings.
Hello there! I, always, thought Mondays are full of plans to be executed. The buzz and clutter of stuffs, the aroma of brewed coffee, the sudden urge to walk doubly fast, and the thought of acing anything keep Mondays alive.
That was before. Yes, that was before. In fact, I began to accept that every day is a Monday for me months ago.
Now, I kind of miss the feeling of Mondays. There are no more crisp pages to hold, no more mandatory coffee and breakfast at 6:30 in the morning, no more baths afterwards, and no more same things for the same time. All I have these days are planned uncertainties, organized miniature of chaos, and frequent wishes of social interaction.
Consider me as a busy bee for six consecutive months. During the last month of it, I was, totally, drained, so I took off for a month. The next months forced me to continue living the same way I did but something inside me wanted to try the things I hadn’t done before or to finish my activities half-baked. In the end, I chose the latter. I tried to compensate for my losses and did, exactly, what I would have done were it not for Law schooling.
Until I found something, completely, different from what I used to do before. This was even contrary to the kind of person I am. I was forced to be an actress, instantly, and in the cheapest way possible. No, in the hardest way possible because it’s the sort of thing I couldn’t imagine doing. I am putting it this way ’cause I want to keep it as a riddle that no one can answer. And, this role come close to being a “world-changer”. To their point of view, it is, but as to me, I see the monotony of it. I can’t see myself flourishing there.
The thing is, I gave so much to ace this. I invested my whole time for more than a month, spent few couple pennies to meet the criteria, shed some sacrifices, and continued to shed everything at once. Well, these are the things that make me stay, notwithstanding, the truth that I don’t, really, see myself pursuing this path. At least, I have to make the most for the return of our investments. But my heart begs me to listen to her and fight for what I, really, want…to traverse through the journey I was on before. Every stage I passed must be a success to me, as it is what it was supposed to be, but this world’s definition of success penetrates deep to me like a wound.
I guess, no success in this world can ever make someone happy if this success is not the person’s own definition. That way, he is living to consume, not consuming to live.
So, going back to Mondays, my every day was a complete challenge to live up to the changes I was suffered to do. Yes, all of them hit me bull’s eye! I supposed one day would come that I have to re-live my usual Mondays.
For now, these are the things I need to do. It takes a lot of courage and perseverance to be the person I am today, but, at least, I am breathing onto the next Mondays that will, absolutely, change me in the most amazing ways. ❤