Don’t bite the apple, Eve. 🍎

“City of sin is a pity on a whim. Good girls gone bad, the city bus filled with ‘em.” – Jay Z, Empire State of Mind ft. Alicia Keys

SCD

Doble Kara 🌗

Are these even real? Am I even real? The thing is, am I real?

Oh, no. Where am I getting these intuitions or out-of-this-EARTH thoughts?

Oh, don’t you pull me down the depths of Netherworld, my dreamy shadow WATER self. 🌙

SCD

And these days, I am (un)officially missing thee dump no. 1

But I enjoy this feeling of missing a person from afar. Like, really, smelling the inertia of reason and utopia.

As I gently close my eyelids, my heart opens for more gazillion, indescribable mirrors of emotions – mine, them, his…and this world’s about us.

The lines on my face curve as I recapitulate how these pictures, sounds, voices, beauty and literature, and people surround him – that they must be too good. Oh, so, good that the idea made me “want” to miss him. But doing so is harder…like punching the water with hopes of getting the same punches back.

Yet this person’s same footsteps reverberate with the gap between dusk and my dusty thoughts.

Or my ears echo his chuckles from this muted nothingness – to protect my chakra from a state of endless, rabbit-hole of mixed sentiments.

🍃 This is better, I supposed: to either hurt or rejoice, silently, in times of confusion. To just feel and let go. Feel and let go. ‘No need to confuse this person [or just the idea of this person I was missing]. To you, just be you. Live well.

SCD

Brain Dump Sunday at 4:36 p.m.

It hurts when you feel the hurt. But what hurts even more is when you don’t feel the hurt, or you choose not to. Either way, that hurts. What do you think?

SCD

No Love

I think this is the first time I ever called a person closest to me, “that woman” while she was listening, just because of the disconnect I feel and the emotional torture I’ve been receiving for days.

Maybe it’s rude. Call it “disrespectful. Or, maybe, selfish. Or brutal. But…

But she’s got no feelings, too. You like throwing darts, she’s the dartboard. And as much as you like throwing with passion, she’s, also, into this…with so much intensity, too.

The intensity of not feeling anything. It sucks.

All I wanted was care. But, maybe, “care” is not what I wanted right now because what is the world does care mean? I need that care no more. For now.

No, I don’t want to think I need this person.

Maybe, I don’t.

Maybe I could live without this person.

If this person could live without me, maybe I could, too.

And from now on, I’d start to believe I lost this person.

Eternally.

Leave us. Rest well in my thoughts. Serve them. Serve your mother.

I can live on my own…with all others living with me.

Is this detachment? Numbness? Defense mechanism?

I call this, “Self-preservation.”

SCD

The Untold Life Story of a Kidney Transplant Survivor: I AM FROM MARS, YOU ARE FROM EARTH. ❤️

Credits to the owner

I hope this ends all queries or confusions as to why or how I tend to be unwell, most of the time. I could avoid it, but sometimes it just happens and you have no choice but to keep the momentum. It happens because I couldn’t, all the time, choose who to interact with, with the kind of job I have.

These having been said, though, I needed to be extra vigilant…to avoid the obvious kill. He-he.

To all my co-CKD warriors and KT patients, let’s keep ourselves Martian! ❤️

SCD